“… A Change Will Do You Good…” Thanks Sheryl Crow for the reminder that some change we run from (actually change that to most…) but some change is just what the body, mind and soul needs. 

A change in job titles leading to a promotion could be a good move. A change in job titles for a demotion could be one that makes our stomachs flip flop. A change in perspective could offer us new clarity and wisdom for the path ahead. A change in perspective could also identify a new path God wants you to take that is daunting.

No matter if we want the “change” to happen, the beautiful part of it all is that in most circumstances, we are better because of it. We are refined through it. We are wiser thanks to it. We are stronger in part of it. We are braver because we’ve learned from it. Change, of any type frankly, can do you good. The kicker is if you let it. 

Some change, however, is just downright stressful, unnerving and immobilizing. And I venture to say that a change in relationship could be one of those change buckets that checks those boxes. Through Abigail’s story found in 1 Samuel 25, we learn how a change in relationship can be truly a beautiful and unexpected opportunity, but it doesn’t come without a dash of courage, a heaping of willingness and a magnitude of trust that our God’s got our back. 

Let’s meet Nabal, Abigail and David. 

Before we get to the juicy twists and turns of Abigail’s story, I want to take a moment and set the stage, introducing the trio that teaches us the most from this story in Scripture. 

David

We know David; he’s been teaching us much prior to this point in Scripture. 

  • He’s the David of the David and Goliath victory. He’s the walking testament of trusting God to conquer battles much larger (literally and figuratively) than you think you have the capacity for. (1 Samuel 17)
  • He’s the David that was anointed by Samuel as the future king of Israel. (1 Samuel 16)
  • He’s the David that is on the run from Saul, living as a fugitive in hiding dodging Saul’s attempts to kill him. (1 Samuel 20-24)
  • He’s also the David who initiated the Bathsheba relationship dilemma which led to a domino effect of sin and more. (2 Samuel 11-12)

That’s the David that we meet again in 1 Samuel 25:1, learning that he is still fleeing from Saul and has made his way into the Desert of Paran which sets the stage for the meeting of the next two characters: Nabal and Abigail. 

Nabal

Oh Nabal. This man is what I like to call a rude, crude dude. Scripture tells us he’s very wealthy, having 1,000 goats and 3,000 sheep, but we also learn later in this chapter that he’s a drunk, he’s rude and he’s mean in his dealings. He’s definitely not the kind of person I’d like as my neighbor or as my husband. And yet, he’s Abigail’s.

Abigail 

In 1 Samuel 25:3, we are introduced to Abigail as a woman who is intelligent and beautiful. And, we find out later in this story, that her intelligence teaches us much about change and relationships. Abigail and Nabal are married however, it’s pretty likely that their relationship wasn’t by choice. 

As with most Scripture passages, we can all see parts of ourselves in each of these individuals if we’re being honest. 

  • Like David, we may have tried to flee a relationship before, finding ourselves roaming in fear and constantly checking over our shoulders. 
  • Like Nabal, we may have wealth in knowledge, assets, connections, etc. and yet, as we learn later, choose to hoard instead of share, causing us to create friction in relationships.
  • Like Abigail, we are offered opportunities to build wisdom and to use it. We learn in the cornerstone situation from this passage that she chooses to use it and that choice is the change-maker.

The situation that changes everything. 

Life can be going great until something unexpected happens, right? You’re in the best relationship of your life until your ex re-emerges and creates havoc. You’ve developed the deepest friendship you’ve ever experienced until conflict arises and you feel it crumbling. Your relationship with your children feels stellar until hormones decide to rear their ugly heads. 

Life is great until it’s not. And that statement holds true with relationships as well. While that may be a truth, it doesn’t have to be your Truth… and it’s definitely not God’s. God sees obstacles and opportunities, and Abigail did as well.

We learn in 1 Samuel 25:4 that David and his crew of men wandered near Nabal and in doing so, he became aware that Nabal was shearing sheep and possibly he had some provisions to share. So he sent some of his men to politely ask for some that they’d be willing to share. While it would feel a bit awkward in today’s world to notice a neighbor of yours growing their business, gathering their garden’s produce, or some other situation and you went up and asked for a piece of it, this situation was culturally normal in their time. What wasn’t culturally normal was Nabal’s reaction to it. This is where the rude, crude dude shined. 

Nabal questioned who David was to ask for something. David’s response?! War! What could have been a calm, cool and collected day escalated quickly and they needed a bomb diffusing expert to assist. 

Enter Abigail.

Abigail was made aware of the situation from one of Nabal’s servants, coming to ask her to step in and help! 1 Samuel 25:18 notes that she acted quickly, wasting no time. She didn’t have to question the situation; she knew her husband had a temper… that’s obvious. But it was through her wisdom of her husband, the cultural norms and her own character that shaped the outcome of the story quite differently than the path it was heading. 

After sending oodles of food to David, she approached and did three core things that were the change-makers: 

  • She took responsibility despite it being her husband who was out of line. 
  • She asked for forgiveness which leave to sensibly resolving the conflict. 
  • And throughout all of it, she praised, called on and showed reverence to God. 

This battle, she realized, wasn’t hers but God’s.  

I challenge you to read the full story to learn of all the unexpected relationship roller coasters that happened after this (and grab your popcorn because it comes complete with a drunk, a heart failure, a death and a new marriage). But through it all, we have much we can learn from what happens when we face a situation that leads to that of a change in relationship. 

What We Learn

Abigail teaches us much in what she says, how she acts and the faith she carries. Her story illustrates these core lessons we can apply to change in our own lives: 

There is a hierarchy of relationships. 

Abigail went behind Nabal’s back to approach David and save the lives of her people and community. While that may not be the healthiest of strategies for building a strong relationship with people, it’s proof that our relationship with God will always come first. And, God doesn’t expect us to cover up, support or even defend sinful relationships of friends or loved ones. Our responsibility is to our relationship with Him first. 

Relationships deserve respect. 

Mutual respect and conflict resolution are pivotal to health relationships. Abigail’s approach to David was one of respect; Nabal’s was the complete opposite. Whether we agree or not, respect shouldn’t change. All people deserve that and for any relationships to thrive, it’s required. Also, keep in mind that some relationships are meant for a season, and even if change happens, causing a relationship to deteriorate, that doesn’t mean respect has to. 

God is always working for the good of those who follow Him. 

As we see in Abigail’s story, God has a larger plan than we could have ever considered possible. God’s hand is a part of our relationships and also holding us when those relationships change. We may see change as bad, but redemption can come through a change… especially a change in relationship. Relationships, while complex, offer opportunities for learning, transformation, and deeper connection with God and others.

Change is an inevitable part of life, and when it affects our relationships, it can be particularly challenging.

But remember Abigail… hold tight to her priorities and claim them as your own. Our relationship with God matters most… and while other relationships around us may fall apart, God is constantly asking us to deepen the one He has with us. Take a moment to watch this podcast episode and learn more about how change can definitely do you good.

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